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DANCING WITH MY SHADOWS by Gwen Potts

This poem is written about the importance of the exploration into our darkest shadows…

This poem is about all of those things I wish to deny, repress and hide from. I believe that in exploring our consciousness this way we make it easier to step into our true selves, and out into the world no longer afraid to share our gifts for the better of all.
'Black Widow' by Katarina Silva

Dancing With My Shadows
by Gwen Potts

Dark little pixie
Dancing!
Out of the corner of my eye
Yet just as I turn it vanishes!
Magically appearing on the other side

Black smoke billows
Surrounding their impish bodies
They giggle and laugh at me 
As I turn around, not daring to look fully
"What is your name little pixie?"
"I am Grief", she replies
Oh my!
Conjuring the heaviest 
Empty feeling throughout my being

The grief pixie
Dances around my heart
Blackness flirting with my consciousness
Like a tempestuous dark lover
Naughty little pixie stamping her feet!
Rapaciously daring me
To gaze upon it's eyes
Dare to see all that they hold

This heaviness
Heart sinking
Grief dwells within
This shadow of the night
Overwhelming, so total 
Challenging my consciousness
Heart filled to bursting
With grief and sadness 
Making itself known

Sadness born from realization
That some words once longed for
Will never be spoken
Death it seems
Has taken them from me
Taken them away forever
The shadow plagues me
Shrouded in the moons mysteries
Empty and vacant as the darkest of night

Grief's whispers I cannot escape
Little pixie is amused at my attempts
Nowhere to hide from this penetrating pain
It lingers around my consciousness
Begging me to listen
On knees with hands clasped together
Pleading me to feel all

Body tired and weary
Longing for words never spoken
Acknowledgement will never be found
Trauma encases my body
Flesh, blood, muscle and bone
No token of relief ever mine
How to heal from this bitter, twisted fate?

Little dark pixie prodding
Just as I turn my head away
Another little black pixie 
Appears in the night
It is Sadness this time
Sadness, a deep bottomless well
Overflowing with pain and anguish
Ripping my beating heart open
In the center of my terrified chest

Oh! Deep well
Blocked with dirty old leaves
Fallen from yesterday's trees
Stagnant they clog my inner well
Pungent water overflowing
The hurt blood of my life
From my own dark shadows
Hiding from my soul

I sit at the bottom
Of the stinking well
In the pitch blackness 
I am alone
Staring out at the dark
That swallows up everything 
No light left for me to see
Little pixie laughs 
Hearing echos from afar
Their scampering feet
Running and dancing 
Through the empty chambers 
Of my bleeding heart

Blood tears stain my face
Tarnished from the pain
Veins cut and bleeding now
Love will never be shared
Sitting with these feelings
Into the blackness I now stare
Something else is stirring
Another shadow appearing within
It is no little pixie but!....
A black ball of RAGE!
  
Rage from years of torture
So many years living afraid
Ghosts hiding inside my consciousness
Haunting my empty space
Where I was too afraid to look
Scared of all the murky grey shades

A piercing cry echos
I look upward towards the sky
Crow sitting of the edge of this well
Just observing my hell
Taunting me!
Daring me to look deeper still
I close my eyes tightly
Summoning the rage within

My shadows are now revealed 
Shadows of revenge, spite and hate
Jealousy, envy, bitterness and evil
All there within me!
Daring me to honesty
Pixie laughs
As he knew its worth

Knowing that every human being
Hides impulses of darkness
Hidden deeply with the soul
By summoning the rage 
Tempting me forward
Following the impulse to express
I stand strong and scream
A primordial calling
Turning the night skies to RED!

As I open my eyes 
Looking down at dirty feet
Standing now on the forest floor
Silhouettes of trees 
Loom over me, chasing
Shadows that dance in the wind
Owl calls suddenly
Making me turn 
Heart beats loudly in my chest
Owl calls me
Onward into the night

Taking one step forward
Wind swinging the tree tops
Piercing moonlight my only guide
Shaking and stumbling
As I walk onward
So afraid of my own shadows
Oh! To deny their existence in life!

I am cold, bare and naked 
Deep within this forest
Forest of my wildest nightmares
I am the murderer, the perpetrator
The devil, the black witch
Rattling the bones
Over the smoke filled fire
I choke on this truth
As these parts of me
 Becoming clearer 
Shattering ego
With honesty's plight

Anxiety strikes 
As something is coming
I hear it now
Through the darkest of night
As I turn 
Yellow eyes peer at me
Through the shapeless objects 
I can't quite make out in the moon light
Smelling the scent of wild animal
On the winds of change
Snarling, growling creature
Reflection of my consciousness
Wants to rip, tear, break me apart
Rip the flesh from my body 
And finish me off

Shadow within my own soul
I have a choice now in this moment
To stare into the face of my shadow
Or forever remain paralyzed 
By my own limited consciousness
Perhaps for the rest of my life

Taking the deepest breath 
Summoning the courage 
To run headlong into this demon
Whom is running my life
Risk it all! NOW!
As I take one step back
Feeling the hesitancy in my body
Pulse racing wildly
I run headlong
Daring the demon
To run forth
Creature matches my pace 
We shall collide now for sure
It must surely be over for me!
Facing the fear of my own shadows
But something truly remarkable
Happened on that night!

The clouds started clearing
As the fresh dawn broke
Birds singing their chorus
The sweetest of sights
Shadows disappeared 
With dawns early sun
A magical transformation
All because 
I dared to look at my shadows
Ran into demons center
We dissolved in the collision
Bursting into white light

Something new now beckons 
A rebirth of being
As the darkness transformed to light
Wise woman awakened
From the deepest of slumbers
On the coldest ever dark night
I left behind my lost afraid child
Birthed from a young girl
Wild Woman appeared instead
A divine goddess  
She dances and flirts with the night
Facing shadows
Bringing forth gifts of creativity
This feminine warrior
Beating the drum of the shaman
Stepping into and through 
The brand new dawn
Of her life!

Wild brave woman
Cultivates deep wisdom
Owl as her spirit guide 
Crow her ally 
As the keeper of shadow secrets
She mixes potions of transformation
With the words she writes
Changing consciousness
Knowing darkness the same as light

Her hips begin to dance
To her own heart's calling
She has witnessed the shadows at her core
Emerging from the chrysalis
That was once so dark
No longer filled with a pervading fear
She opens her wings 
Flying free and whole
Expanding outward
Into the world

In her crooked potion cupboard
There are potions for all
Wisdom, courage, vulnerability and strength
Mixed in with the scent of mystical herbs
Heavily scented incenses and spices
The smell of fallen forest leaves
All awakening her senses 
Still calling her forth
Breaking through the old 
She is heavily pregnant
Conjuring natural rebirth 

As she stands by the river
Rushing, bubbling with energy
Removing her worn out clothing
Standing bare and naked to life
No hesitancy this time
She walks forwards with knowing
Having taken the initiation
Through her darkest shadows 
Seen the most difficult of sights

She washes her beautiful body
Bruised and battered by life
Her scars are now worn
With pride instead of spite
Broken open and torn 
Ripped apart and shaken
Yet consciousness expands
Through the dark secrets of her soul
Pure alchemy beckoning
To the richest of souls

Finishing her cleansing ritual
Every cell alive with light
She travels onward 
Wearing her cloak of keen sight
The smile on her lips 
Speaks of real fairy tales 
The shadows were a trick
Of divine light 

Now with this new freedom
She can sense pure magic
Ready for the next adventure to call
Pulling her clock over her head
She looks around her
Everything shining 
So much more beautiful
Than it ever was before

Now sure in the magic
Just waiting to happen
Through facing her shadow
Through hearing crows call
Those naughty black pixies
Were really little white fairies
After all!

Just revealing something amazing
Knowing it was her own consciousness
Reflected externally into the world

As she steps ever onwards
Stronger, wiser and more confident
Than ever before!
~
(This poem originally appeared in the author's blog here
Artistic Photography by Katarina Silva


Gwen Potts: I live in the UK. I love to read all sort of spiritual articles, poetry and especially anything written from the heart. Poetry has always been a vehicle of expression for me, so they are always written about things I am currently working through.  If you resonate and would like to follow my Facebook page and my Soul Harmonic blog here, please do! It's most encouraging when people read and comment on the poems! I hope they will touch many people and let them know they are not alone in the depth of their feelings, as others are experiencing the same, somewhere out there. You may contact me through my Facebook page here." 



~If you are interested in seeing your poetry appear in this blog, or submitting a poem by a woman that has inspired you, please click here for submission guidelines. I greatly look forward to hearing from you!~

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