In this poem, I tried to express the things that sometimes happen in my heart…
…when I sit in kirtan, or when I hear the Song of the Lord, the Bhagavad Gita, or other sacred texts being read and discussed, especially when I have the privilege to sit and hear my Guru - or sometimes even when I hear a very skilled secular singer singing "ordinary" songs with all of their heart and soul.
This poem is also me trying to articulate my desire to surrender to the song of God being played all the time in this universe, and also admitting that there are parts of me that resist this surrender at the same time.
FOR A SONG
For a moment, for a song
and a sampling of eternity
I had a nest there, in the folds of timeless time
in the heartbeat of the Alive
a place so soft that it felt like a warm welcome after a million goodbyes
a coming to
something profoundly good.
Something so true that it could
offer me an experience of the Real.
The warm lap of a universe
playing its eternal love song
had me there for a song. Sitting safe and warm
and all ears
the sound of you embraced me.
For a moment, I was
a wilting flower returning to her roots, taking the risk to bloom
The cold ground beneath me giving in; the hard shell cracking
this winter's finally turning to
something and somewhere else
the coming of you always like a spring!
Though, the warmth of you can be so hard to face
as nothing remains under ground in your season of change
it's such a long way from a bud to a blossom
The notes playing are like ploughs
raking me empty
preparing the soil
there are frozen places in me
parts that still want to
wither in this winter of my own making
I resent my resistance but rest in it, too
been turning for winter for far too long
season after season
it's hard to believe that life can
be born as busily as it dies
that the Alive is as real and more so
than all the dying of this world
something in me knows that you love a garden full of
bloom, so I try to grow for you
I pray for the gentle wind that moves one forward
and for the courage to grow that only comes
from the kind of love that leaves no part of you hanging outside
The kind of love that has your back,
and a welcome back
even when you are walking away
the openness of your love is an invitation;
your pastures so vast and beautiful
Just the thought
that one could be and become so free to love
makes me want to journey on
the joy of you
has made me a believer.
Your gospel is a song
and you play it so well
it's been playing on mind ever since, and I hope one day
it plays me
plays me until I am
hard wood bending, an instrument in your hands.
This song is you.
with your prying fingers pulling out the longing in me
pulling the broken heart strings
until I am tuned to you realm
You have seen my lack of music
the rhythm I have lost
my desperate need for notes
an orchestra needs a conductor to
play in harmony, with harmony
So you have placed me in the hands of a good conductor;
all he ever does is to play your song
even his hands are playing it when he speaks.
All his words a song, all his talk singing.
I came to you all sharp edges and teeth, like a shark
killing to live, dying for some love
just a hard fin(n) peeking through,
submerged in the waters of coming and going
arms up in arms
You just held your arms up to dance
and this is even more telling of you:
you have even the sharks near
allowing them to swim ever so close
circling around your smiling face,
trying to kiss your ears
just one note from the flute
the Sound of you
is kissing my ears
smiling, I think to myself:
there's a place where the hills are truly alive
with the sound of music
and I want to go there!
I feel your song
with the focus of a soul
I listen with all of me
and I have this to say about
it fills you up so suddenly
like a good dessert after a meal
and in the end, there is only the sweetness of being full.
Being consumed by you
my heart an empty pot
finding joy in being emptied
and the sound of you
I am here only to be played. If only for a song.
Tadiya dasi is a bhakti yogini who has always loved to write and read. Mostly she has read about religions, both as a student of Religious studies in university as well as a student of the Divine studying the Bhakti-scriptures such as the Bhagavad Gita and the Bhagavata Purana. She writes mostly for her own pleasure, for self-reflection and creativity. Recently, she has begun to give lectures on bhakti yoga. Her favorite place to practice bhakti yoga is in one of her teacher's ashrams, surrounded by beautiful nature and lots of cows. She, though, lives mostly in Helsinki, the capital city of Finland. Her inspiration to write and to share bhakti comes from her teacher Swami Tripurari. You can email Tadiya at firstname.lastname@example.org
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