It seems one desire that is common to the human condition is our desire to be happy and to find peace…
We look for it everywhere and oftentimes try to fill the emptiness within with all sorts of attractive things this world offers only to be left feeling even more dissatisfied and empty than before.
The restlessness our soul's experience, I feel, is a symptom of our natural longing to connect to God and realize our true natures.
For those of us who pursue truth and understanding into the reality of God, and our eternal natures, the journey we embark on can be laden with lush forests offering fruits heavy with refreshing eternal nectar.
But the landscape can also become barren and dry, as well as tumultuous and unsteady, causing our hearts to be uncertain of what the truth really is. Making us doubt ourselves, and even the existence of God. In our searching we can enter into what the mystic's call "The Dark Night of the Soul".
The following poem reflects my internal struggle to make sense of things spiritually.
It shows glimpses of my doubts and the distress that can be felt when one realizes that much of this material existence is full of suffering. It also speaks of my mantra, the maha-mantra, which has become like an anchor to me: keeping me from being washed off course completely, birthing peace and hope within my heart, offering me refuge.
When all hope drains away
and all that is left is filth and decay;
When longing is all that the heart feels
The soul reaching out for something to heal,
The pain that reaches deeper than eternity
All that meets one's agonizing pleas
Is an emptiness vast as the ocean is wide
The seed of light long buried deep inside
covered with thick layers of maya and grief
One's spirit longing for much needed reprieve.
This life seems a tragic and laughable dance
Poised on the pinnacle of misery and chance,
Like a wave joy rises only to meet sorrow
The light of today kisses the darkness of tomorrow.
Is there a God out there to sweep me away
from the tragedies life throws my way?
Or is it all just a jumble of happenstance
No meaning except for this moment, no God to glance
up from His undoubtedly busy duties of creating
to, in His mercy, absorb up some of this pain permeating
My soul making it throb and quiver,
Making my heart so cold that it ceases even to shiver.
Maybe there is no way to truly find out the mysteries that hold
All of mankind in suspense, a story truly untold.
We can speculate and forecast our fates
But none really knows what is scribbled on reality's slate.
All that I know is when the darkness settles in
I repeat the Holy Names as if they were a holy hymn.
In them my heart takes refuge and searches for peace
Waiting for the storm's raging winds to finally cease.
Jessica Mokrzyckl: "I am a mother of two beautiful children and have been married for almost ten years now. I seek the truth into my own nature and that of God's and explore my experiences and reflections on a regular basis on my blog Ascending The Hills. I have found a lot of inspiration and direction from the Bhagavad Gita and other Vedic scriptures and have found that chanting has been an invaluable spiritual practice that I engage in daily."You may contact me via my facebook page here.
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