THOUGHTS OF A HURTING HEART by Camellia Stadts

Editors Note: We share this poem in honor of National Suicide Prevention Week. The poems we feature this week are meant to raise awareness toward this cause. 

My life, lived with depression and thoughts of suicide, has not been easy...

This darkness has been with me for as long as I can remember. At 60 years old, as I look back and think to myself, "why am I still here?" What strength was inside me to daily fight this demon? All I know is that first off I have always had an awareness of God in my life which has given me strength and faith to continue when I felt like giving up.

Second, I began journal writing which released all those dark thoughts and feelings which had been bottled up inside. Third, finding the strength (through prayer and journal writing) to seek counseling and to start taking an anti-depression medication. 

I have written this poem for National Suicide Prevention Week in honor of my struggle, and all those who fight to stay alive.

Thoughts of a Hurting Heart

by Camellia Stadts

Thoughts of death grow

more welcoming every day.

The things that are in my mind

and the numbness in my body

are easy to keep to myself.

My whole being is shrouded in a dark cloud

both inside and out. 

The loneliness is

unbearable. 

I spend my days and nights

deciding on how to end my life.

There are so many choices. So many

ways to “end it all”. Those three words

are so comforting to me. 

Morbid? No…

They are welcoming.

There are moments when

I want to scream 

or reach out and hold someone…

but I don’t.  

Or better yet, gather rage that I don’t even realize is there

and just slap a smiling face HARD!

Will I end it today? 

Or tomorrow? 

Why wait? 

Release the pain now….
~

If you are contemplating suicide: 

Please stay! Tomorrow needs you.

Watch the views below to hear why:

💗

Camellia Stadts: I have a passion for writing reading, knitting and crocheting. I live in Ferndale, MI and am 62 years old. I have a B.A in English from Marygrove College in Detroit. I have two grown children: my son, Nick and daughter, Carolyn. I also enjoy spending time with my grandson, Cameren. 




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