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THOUGHTS OF A HURTING HEART by Camellia Stadts

(Editors note: This is National Suicide Prevention Week. The poems we feature this week are meant to contribute to raising awareness toward this cause. All are welcome to participate)

My life, lived with depression and thoughts of suicide, has not been easy...

This darkness has been with me for as long as I can remember. At 60 years old, as I look back and think to myself, "why am I still here?" What strength was inside me to daily fight this demon? All I know is that first off I have always had an awareness of God in my life which has given me strength and faith to continue when I felt like giving up.

Second, I began journal writing which released all those dark thoughts and feelings which had been bottled up inside. Third, finding the strength (through prayer and journal writing) to seek counseling and to start taking an anti-depression medication. 

I have written this poem for National Suicide Prevention Week in honor of my struggle, and all those who fight to stay alive.

Thoughts of a Hurting Heart
by Camellia Stadts

Thoughts of death grow
more welcoming every day.

The things that are in my mind
and the numbness in my body
are easy to keep to myself.

My whole being is shrouded in a dark cloud
both inside and out. 

The loneliness is
unbearable. 

I spend my days and nights
deciding on how to end my life.

There are so many choices. So many
ways to “end it all”. Those three words
are so comforting to me. 
Morbid? No…
They are welcoming.

There are moments when
I want to scream 
or reach out and hold someone…
but I don’t.  

Or better yet, gather rage that I don’t even realize is there
and just slap a smiling face HARD!

Will I end it today? 
Or tomorrow? 

Why wait? 
Release the pain now….


Camellia Stadts: “I have recently moved to Ferndale, MI and I am 60 years old.I have a B.A. in English from Marygrove College in Detroit. I have 2 grown children, my son Nick and daughter Carolyn and I also have a 8 year-old grandson, Cameren. Besides writing, reading and nature I also have a passion for knitting and crocheting.”








~If you are interested in seeing your poetry appear in this blog, or submitting a poem by a woman that has inspired you, please click here for submission guidelines. I greatly look forward to hearing from you!~ 
                  

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