The way before me is unclear and full of uncertainty…
It seems like my search for truth and understanding into the nature of reality, of the Absolute, often brings me into places of obscure wilderness. It seems that the more I learn and discover the more I realize how very little I know about anything, including my own nature. There is a constant battle between what my intellect questions to be true and the direction my heart longs to pursue.
I stumble and often fall. When I find myself back on the winding path that creeps its way along the mountainside I'm usually in familiar places already traversed. My heart sinks, as it appears very little progress if any has been made.
One treasure that I have discovered along my journey's path is my mantra. The maha mantra, the Holy Names of Krishna, I have chanted for more than a year now nearly every day.
There was only one dark period that lasted a couple of weeks where my intellect stubbornly denied me the practice of chanting. During that time my heart began to feel hollow and a hunger like no other crept in. A thirst within my heart demanded to be satiated. I succumbed to the calling and found a quiet place and chanted and chanted and decided to never deny myself the practice again. For even my intellect can sense its benefits.
So, as I journey on, I have decided to keep embracing my mantra as a light which continues to guide my heart, while at times even pacifying my mind. I feel a certain devotion and affection for it as even when I am in spiritually dark and shadowy places it seems to continue to shine forth from within. Because of that I wrote the following poem. I hope you enjoy it.
|Art By Robert Henri|
Before the sun rises in the morning,
To gracefully unfold her robes of splendor,
and bathe the world in her light,
When the storms of life rage all around me,
Words flying like arrows aimed at my heart,
I call upon my mantra and it becomes a shield
And I chant.
When my son teeters down the stairs,
Remnants of a bad dream still haunting his complexion,
I take him in my arms and lay him back down.
Beside him, stroking his hair, softly in his ear
When my mind tells my heart it is foolish
And that there is no God and nothing but that
which can be seen and felt,
Despite myself, I take refuge in the names that
have brought me peace and comfort,
And I chant.
Jessica Mokrzyckl: "I am a mother of two beautiful children and have been married for almost ten years now. I seek the truth into my own nature and that of God's and explore my experiences and reflections on a regular basis on my blog Ascending The Hills. I have found a lot of inspiration and direction from the Bhagavad Gita and other Vedic scriptures and have found that chanting has been an invaluable spiritual practice that I engage in daily."You may contact me via my facebook page here.
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