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FOREFIT by Janavi Held

Sometimes in dreams it seems as if ancient memories roam through my consciousness, exposing the temporary identity I call my: self.  

This poem explores that identity and my true spiritual identity, and it asks the question how did I get where I am today?
Photographic art by the author, Janavi Held

by Janavi Held

Her solitude wraps round her
like a lover, like God,

like an illness and its remedy,
like shattered stone,

like insatiable waves,
like the blunt flash of electricity

splintering the sky.
As her discarded heart fractures

wet hands of ruined fears
reach for the only One who will listen

the One who hears 
when all humans are dead,

when oxygen stops breathing,
and humiliated gravity has lost her power.

It is in this death of family
and all things impersonal

that she is seen at last
reaching for the invincible echo

as she trembles with ending stories,
personalities, and discarded treasures

she can no longer remember why
her eyes and hair are brown

why she chose the burgundy curtains
that hang in her bedroom

or why she prays for sleep on endless nights.
She can no longer see

her mother’s face in her eyes
nor hear her father’s deep voice in her mind

she can’t imagine who this is
as she stares at her reflection,

as she gazes through a pane of glass
at the blistering night sky

the history of the earth

in her solar plexus,
drops from her hands,

secretes from her skin
splintering, dripping

and mixing
with rock,

and thoughts,
and time

and still she can’t
remember a believable history,

can’t imagine

she forfeited
the eternal sky.

Photographic art by Janavi Held

Janavi Held started writing poetry and wandering around with her father’s camera as a child.  At the age of nineteen, she began practicing Bhakti yoga. She holds a bachelor’s degree from Goddard College where she studied poetry, photography, and media studies.  She is on the verge of releasing her first book Letters to my Oldest Friend: A Book of Poetry and Photography. 

~If you are interested in seeing your poetry appear in this blog, or submitting a poem by a woman that has inspired you, please click here for submission guidelines. I greatly look forward to hearing from you!~


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