Skip to main content

SHADOWS AND SATURN by Carolyn Riker


 I wrote this poem during an intense moment of just plain, mind-numbing, painful insight. 

 Life is full of transitions.  As I learn about myself through yoga, meditation and Vedic Astrology, I have to focus on the universal story being told.  Change and understanding come into our lives for a reason.  It allows us to see what we don't want to see and what we need to see.  It serves you no longer resonates in my heart as I learn to let go.  

As my heart breaks, new light and love pours in. Letting go is different from giving in or giving up.  It’s not about being broken or re-traumatizing our self.  It’s about freedom from the preconceived self.  Finding the real self is liberating.

Shadows and Saturn

                                      Who I thought I was
                                              I am not.
                                      Saturn steady, determined, searing
                                             Heart hurts
                                             Ego crushed
                                      Piercing the reality that isn’t
                                     Staying in limbo?
                                             Not a choice.
                                     Moving forward?
                                            Necessary
                                     Memories surface
                                            See them as memories
                                            Let go of who created them
                                    The false self
                                            Hides the true self
                                            It will take time to find her
                                     Hitting a low
                                     Raking over the bones
                                            Crushed
                                    This is an opportunity!
                                            Seems bizarre
                                    Head swims in grief
                                            Staying with the moments
                                            The painful notes crescendo
                                    The waves of realizing
                                            It doesn’t serve you any longer
                                     Hiding in the walls
                                            That hides the soul
                                            Truth cuts to the core
                                    The shadows speak and tunnel deep
                                            Whether awake or asleep
                                    The shadows of my soul exposed
                                             I ache
                                     Pushing me through a heart
                                            Every piece is strained
                                            It’s got my attention
                                     Doubts and questions fall at sharp angles
                                     Sitting still,
                                            the moment quiet
                                    The lonely, humming sounds of nothingness
                                            I shake
                                    The core of me dead
                                            I have nowhere else to go
                                            I haven’t failed.
                                     Finally, I surrender.
Underwater photography by Jacobs Utton





Carolyn Riker is a mom, teacher, gardener.  She enjoys quiet time with nature, books and music.  Carolyn continually loves learning about yoga, meditation, Auryveda and Vedic astrology. She has recently begun publishing articles with Elephant Journal. Click here to sample her piece called “Let Your Heart Be Your Guide”. You may get in touch with Carolyn at carolynra7@hotmail.com






~If you are interested in seeing your poetry appear in this blog, or submitting a poem by a woman that has inspired you, please click here for submission guidelines. I greatly look forward to hearing from you!~ 

Comments

  1. simple beautiful! the layout, the pictures....i think i know how she feels. we've all been there at some point.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

IMAGINE A WOMAN by Patricia Lynn Reilly

  This poem invites you to look upon yourself with loving kindness… Gazing at your own true reflection, you will discover that everything you have longed for “out there” is already within you! I invite you to love your creativity fiercely. Faithfully plant seeds, allowing under-the-ground dormant seasons, nurturing your creative garden with love and gratitude. In the fullness of time, the green growing things thrust forth from the ground. It's a faithful, trustworthy process. AND it takes time and patience.  Blessed is the fruit of your creative womb! I invite you to trust your vision of the world and express it. With wonder and delight, paint a picture, create a dance, write a book, and make up a song. To give expression to your creative impulses is as natural as your breathing. Create in your own language, imagery, and movement. Follow no script. Do not be limited by the customary way things have been expressed. Your creative intuition is original. Gather

IMBOLC by Caroline Mellor

The inspiration for this poem came after I watched a magical winter sunset and full moonrise from the top of Firle Beacon in the South Downs... Unusually for me, I wrote the poem quite quickly and changed it very little before publishing it – perhaps the energies were working through my pen! Imbolc is the mid-point between the winter solstice and the spring equinox. It’s a fire festival which I particularly love because of its associations with Brigid, the Celtic Mother Goddess of arts and crafts, clear sight, healing, inspiration and nurturance of creative talents – something which, through my writing, I am always trying to connect with.  I also love Imbolc because, with so much darkness and negativity in the world today, it is a time for hope, potential, visioning and initiation. With love and blessings as the light returns. Photography by Chanel Baran IMBOLC    by Caroline Mellor I am the dream of awakening. I am the returning of the night.  I am the tough green

WINTER SOLSTICE: A GIFT OF LOVE by Carolyn Riker

I’ve had several days now of alone time… It is unusual and a gift that I couldn’t see until I breathed it. I have been able to watch the sun’s rise through the grey of dawn and smile at the flickers of frost melting on the waving boughs of evergreen. It’s unique to follow daylight as it traverses the tempo of a cat’s soft slumbering purr. Night comes swifter and the glow of candles and the flames of fire comfort me more than the steady stream of always-doing-more. As much as I resisted, I needed this break. I had no idea how much my body was trying to tell me   slow down   until the exhaustion settled in around my joints. My eyes swam in molasses. Heaviness of I-can’t-hold-out-much-long, walked me to the throne of my nest. It’s winter’s gift of self-nurturing and love. It’s been a quiet proclamation of femininity and a need for comfort foods. Lemon crisps and cranberry, white-chocolate shortbread dipped in tea; I felt a hint of being pampered without