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SHADOWS AND SATURN by Carolyn Riker


 I wrote this poem during an intense moment of just plain, mind-numbing, painful insight. 

 Life is full of transitions.  As I learn about myself through yoga, meditation and Vedic Astrology, I have to focus on the universal story being told.  Change and understanding come into our lives for a reason.  It allows us to see what we don't want to see and what we need to see.  It serves you no longer resonates in my heart as I learn to let go.  

As my heart breaks, new light and love pours in. Letting go is different from giving in or giving up.  It’s not about being broken or re-traumatizing our self.  It’s about freedom from the preconceived self.  Finding the real self is liberating.

Shadows and Saturn

                                      Who I thought I was
                                              I am not.
                                      Saturn steady, determined, searing
                                             Heart hurts
                                             Ego crushed
                                      Piercing the reality that isn’t
                                     Staying in limbo?
                                             Not a choice.
                                     Moving forward?
                                            Necessary
                                     Memories surface
                                            See them as memories
                                            Let go of who created them
                                    The false self
                                            Hides the true self
                                            It will take time to find her
                                     Hitting a low
                                     Raking over the bones
                                            Crushed
                                    This is an opportunity!
                                            Seems bizarre
                                    Head swims in grief
                                            Staying with the moments
                                            The painful notes crescendo
                                    The waves of realizing
                                            It doesn’t serve you any longer
                                     Hiding in the walls
                                            That hides the soul
                                            Truth cuts to the core
                                    The shadows speak and tunnel deep
                                            Whether awake or asleep
                                    The shadows of my soul exposed
                                             I ache
                                     Pushing me through a heart
                                            Every piece is strained
                                            It’s got my attention
                                     Doubts and questions fall at sharp angles
                                     Sitting still,
                                            the moment quiet
                                    The lonely, humming sounds of nothingness
                                            I shake
                                    The core of me dead
                                            I have nowhere else to go
                                            I haven’t failed.
                                     Finally, I surrender.
Underwater photography by Jacobs Utton





Carolyn Riker is a mom, teacher, gardener.  She enjoys quiet time with nature, books and music.  Carolyn continually loves learning about yoga, meditation, Auryveda and Vedic astrology. She has recently begun publishing articles with Elephant Journal. Click here to sample her piece called “Let Your Heart Be Your Guide”. You may get in touch with Carolyn at carolynra7@hotmail.com






~If you are interested in seeing your poetry appear in this blog, or submitting a poem by a woman that has inspired you, please click here for submission guidelines. I greatly look forward to hearing from you!~ 

Comments

  1. simple beautiful! the layout, the pictures....i think i know how she feels. we've all been there at some point.

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