Skip to main content


 I wrote this poem during an intense moment of just plain, mind-numbing, painful insight. 

 Life is full of transitions.  As I learn about myself through yoga, meditation and Vedic Astrology, I have to focus on the universal story being told.  Change and understanding come into our lives for a reason.  It allows us to see what we don't want to see and what we need to see.  It serves you no longer resonates in my heart as I learn to let go.  

As my heart breaks, new light and love pours in. Letting go is different from giving in or giving up.  It’s not about being broken or re-traumatizing our self.  It’s about freedom from the preconceived self.  Finding the real self is liberating.

Shadows and Saturn

                                      Who I thought I was
                                              I am not.
                                      Saturn steady, determined, searing
                                             Heart hurts
                                             Ego crushed
                                      Piercing the reality that isn’t
                                     Staying in limbo?
                                             Not a choice.
                                     Moving forward?
                                     Memories surface
                                            See them as memories
                                            Let go of who created them
                                    The false self
                                            Hides the true self
                                            It will take time to find her
                                     Hitting a low
                                     Raking over the bones
                                    This is an opportunity!
                                            Seems bizarre
                                    Head swims in grief
                                            Staying with the moments
                                            The painful notes crescendo
                                    The waves of realizing
                                            It doesn’t serve you any longer
                                     Hiding in the walls
                                            That hides the soul
                                            Truth cuts to the core
                                    The shadows speak and tunnel deep
                                            Whether awake or asleep
                                    The shadows of my soul exposed
                                             I ache
                                     Pushing me through a heart
                                            Every piece is strained
                                            It’s got my attention
                                     Doubts and questions fall at sharp angles
                                     Sitting still,
                                            the moment quiet
                                    The lonely, humming sounds of nothingness
                                            I shake
                                    The core of me dead
                                            I have nowhere else to go
                                            I haven’t failed.
                                     Finally, I surrender.
Underwater photography by Jacobs Utton

Carolyn Riker is a mom, teacher, gardener.  She enjoys quiet time with nature, books and music.  Carolyn continually loves learning about yoga, meditation, Auryveda and Vedic astrology. She has recently begun publishing articles with Elephant Journal. Click here to sample her piece called “Let Your Heart Be Your Guide”. You may get in touch with Carolyn at

~If you are interested in seeing your poetry appear in this blog, or submitting a poem by a woman that has inspired you, please click here for submission guidelines. I greatly look forward to hearing from you!~ 


  1. simple beautiful! the layout, the pictures....i think i know how she feels. we've all been there at some point.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

MY HEART SEEPS by Edith Lazenby

Courage is not only facing fear, but also looking past fear, to see what lies it tells and truths it saves...
Sometimes I sit at a computer in trepidation. The house trembles and I wonder what I will find. 
Truth is not a fact or a feeling. It may rest on love’s heart and walk with integrity. It may stand beyond humanity in ways we can only imagine. Truth can be solid as earth and fickle as wind. But a wind can know stillness and the earth can crack wide open.
Tonight I found a stillness in a crack and managed to balance there...

My Heart Seeps
by Edith Lazenby
I cannot hold on And I cannot let go. I walk a path I don’t know. I feel moonlight But cannot see Its orb midst The cloudy cold. My hands tremble. My eyes tear. My toes wriggle To grasp earth. I want to stand Tall in the light Yet fear shadows all. Inside I crumble Under the weight I cannot shoulder.

IMAGINE A WOMAN by Patricia Lynn Reilly

This poem invites you to look upon yourself with loving kindness…
Gazing at your own true reflection, you will discover that everything you have longed for “out there” is already within you! I invite you to love your creativity fiercely. Faithfully plant seeds, allowing under-the-ground dormant seasons, nurturing your creative garden with love and gratitude. In the fullness of time, the green growing things thrust forth from the ground. It's a faithful, trustworthy process. AND it takes time and patience.  Blessed is the fruit of your creative womb! I invite you to trust your vision of the world and express it. With wonder and delight, paint a picture, create a dance, write a book, and make up a song. To give expression to your creative impulses is as natural as your breathing. Create in your own language, imagery, and movement. Follow no script. Do not be limited by the customary way things have been expressed. Your creative intuition is original. Gather all of life into your inner c…

DEPRESSION by Veronica Carpenter

Here goes my vulnerability A heart on a sleeve The typical person who looks at me May not see the same me that I live with daily The mind in the air, swirling with possibility When the darkness rallies/gathers/swirls When I am left to solitude This paper-thin garb unzips Here comes depression          
No I don’t want to advertise So flash a smile Those who are close get to see Through the veil, it’s really not that thick Circumstances in life like to stab at the rib Stumble, fall behind the door Shut out the world Feelings well and weigh down Strength hidden deep in the core So deep that sometimes it’s forgotten Here comes the darkness My old friend Sweeping through my every move  Doubts, fears, un-named masked men Oozing like honey, sticking to everything
Patience is required to get on this ride There is a cycle but its pattern is unknown Slowly my gift will unwrap itself Stay on the path Coming back to that which never truly left me Just laid sleeping out of exhaustion from the fight Dormant in winter…