Women have always suffered in the battle to embrace and enjoy to the fullest the sensual and sexual parts of who they are…
I feel that we have always been condemned since the beginning of time for our birthright to connect with and express our sexuality, and the many benefits of experiencing pleasure.
Times have changed, yet in many cultures and societies it is still shameful for women to fully acknowledge and accept with joy and gratitude their ability to give themselves pleasure, and to experience pleasure with the partner of one’s heart. Not accepting this part of ourselves, we repress it instead, and through repression it becomes a wound, whose origin is often found in our childhood years.
Unfortunately, some of us are taught that playing with our sexual organs is bad and dirty. Usually, we are shamed in such ways by our own parents. But blaming them won’t take us far in life. Perhaps they learned the same attitudes from their own parents, and so on and so forth. Sexual shame is inherited.
When we reach our adulthood we become more and more aware of the negative attitudes and wounds we acquired as children. In addition to having not been taught to embrace our own sexuality, many of us (one out of every five women) were subject to some kind of sexual abuse—usually by a person we knew and trusted—before we turned eighteen.
As a result, our sexual selves may be caught in the feelings of small little kids who now want our attention and love. It's time we parent those little wounded children we once were and help them grow up into adults who can learn to appreciate and accept our natural ability for pleasure and sex. Of course, this cannot be done over night! It may take years, but taking responsibility for this kind of suffering, and healing from it, is so important to our wellbeing.
None else can walk our own journeys. No one else can accept us fully if we accept ourselves only partially. Let us begin to acknowledge the wounded woman inside; the one that we may often be scared of. She is there to lead us deeper, and complete the healing of our minds, bodies and whole beings. Ignoring her further would be a form of slow suicide. In this poem, I welcome her into my own healing journey…finally.
I See Her
by Idla Dashi
She is there,
in the basement of my spine,
covered with the dust of the past
and the junk of my perceptions.
She screams once in a while
for she wants to be seen…!
Dark is her feather,
white the pendulum on her naked skin,
wild and primitive at her essence.
I was taught to condemn her,
for they said “ she is a shame, she is dirty, she is not something to be cherished”.
They killed her,
so I buried her:
there, where demons dwell,
there, where wounds live and breath,
in some secret corner of my self.
Yet, I’m incomplete without her,
I suffer when she suffers,
I feel her pain.
Sometimes when I am alone,
I invite her,
to come out and show me her face…
she feels free and happy for few seconds,
I see her fire: burning her flesh with passion,
I see her eyes sparkling,
her face becomes vivid and calm just suddenly.
Then I become scared of her,
so I tell her
to go there, back to the basement of my spine,
where light hardly enters
until the next time.
I keep her hidden, as if she were “ a dirty secret”,
but I know she will break all the walls
that others have built around her
and come out
to freely live her dance.
She is the sensual and sexual part of me,
begging to be embraced.
I know she understands me,
because it is not an easy journey
for me and she to walk…
But she knows that integration and a healthy merging between
me and she, happens when the time is ripe…
When the wounds of childhood are healed,
when the mind has found completeness within itself.
I see her.
She is a part of me.
She is me.
|Photography by Veronica Krauss|
Ilda Dashi is a seeker of truth in life. She had been accumulating things that she feels really matter in life, in her life, until she realized that nothing is of greater importance that finding her own Self, and her own path, in other words her own SOUL. Today, Ida continues to seek new ways of dealing with her own struggles and understand her own unique path and her own uniqueness which sometimes scares her...but she can't follow any other path other than the path her Soul is calling her to follow. Ida is a lover of nature and silence. She loves to be still and meditate because in those moments she tastes glimpses of her own truth above the veil of dust filled with conditioning and ignorance from the past. She is a dreamer and she likes to reach the stars. Visit her blog, her Youtube channel, or connect on Facebook.
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