Journey of the Heart

The way before me is unclear and full of uncertainty… It seems like my search for truth and understanding into the nature of reality, of the Absolute, often brings me into places of obscure wilderness. It seems that the more I learn and discover the more I realize how very little I know about anything, including my own nature. There is a constant battle between what my intellect questions to be true and the direction my heart longs to pursue. I stumble and often fall. When I find myself back on the winding path that creeps its way along the mountainside I'm usually in familiar places already traversed. My heart sinks, as it appears very little progress if any has been made. One treasure that I have discovered along my journey's path is my mantra. The maha mantra, the Holy Names of Krishna, I have chanted for more than a year now nearly every day. There was only one dark period that lasted a couple of weeks where my intellect stubbornly denied me...

This is a poem I wrote for the younger version of me... As a teenager, I had a strong feeling that I needed something more than the "normal" daily life with its routines and I was tired of chasing the society's empty goals from the get-go. The daily bread wasn't enough then, and it's still not.  I remember feeling frustrated that even the religion I was taught was offering me just platitudes instead of something real and experimental. Though there are references to Christianity in this poem, I mean no disrespect -- it's just how I experienced the faith then -- and I know that Christianity has a lot to offer to a many thoughtful and kind people. The trouble was that I wasn't really sure what I needed - what would truly make me feel alive -  and therefore I felt alienated and fearful of the prospects of life. The "catcher in the rye" obviously refers to the book ;) Now, I just want to hug the younger me and ...