THE RECKONING by Mariann Martland

There have been moments in my life when I have felt like I belong to other people…

It’s like they have taken ownership of me and I have split myself into a million different pieces to be the person who they have told me I should be.

This moment, however, was one where I claimed my life. I looked at myself and found that with all of my brokenness I am whole, I am one person with a thousand unique traits of my own and I belong to me.

Self portrait artwork by the author Mariann Martland

The Reckoning

 by Mariann Martland

if now is the time to stand up and be counted

i am here,

ready for the reckoning

i am me

one.

i am one

i am my own

i am neither yours nor hers nor his for the taking

i am not your puppet or your plaything

or yours

i am my own

i am not your judgement,

your expectations, or your guilt-ridden words.

i am not your actions,

afflictions, or your sinful shame

i am me

i am one

i am my heart and my body, my stirring spirit,

my laughter, tears

blood and bile, soot and stardust

i am imperfect beauty and perfectly broken

i am my life, i am my death

i am my own

i am one

i am one with the universe

with the fire, the rain,

sun and shadow

i am a blackbird taking flight

and a bee, dying from its one painful sting

i am a lioness, a tiger

an owl, wiser than the moon

the elephant in the room, yet more forgetful

i am solitude and connection, love and lust

i am screaming silence and melodic rage

i am one.

i am endlessly flawed and inherently good

i am a work in progress within a completed masterpiece

i am my ears and my eyes,

constantly listening, watching

i am enough

rarely a full stop, often a question (mark)

i am emptied of sentiment

and filled with feeling

i am my every word, each thought

yet I am neither

i am present and past,

holding future tentatively near

i am memory

i am truth

i am me

i am definitive, an illusion,

mystery

aligned with the stars while dancing among the clouds

i am steadier than a mountain

and floating on a feather

i am weak

i am strong

rarely brave, but aspiring

i am the product of two

and shaped by two million,

yet i am one

my own

i am falling rainbows

made of ice and flame

i am my dreams and my nightmare

vision and blind-spots

i am tragedy and fairytale

all reason and whimsical rhyme

i am space and i am time

unquantifiable number

and scientifically moulded mind over matter

a multitude of messy breaths

i am infinite and limit(less)

i am a thousand fairies, an ungraceful unicorn

i am real

i am one

Self portrait artwork by the author Mariann Martland

Mariann Martland is a writer, a seeker, a lover, a friend. She is a woman finding her voice in a very real world where she cannot help but dream. She wholeheartedly believes in the universe, love, connection and strength of human spirit, even when she is overwhelmed or confused by life; there is usually at least one moment in each day when she feels overwhelmed or confused by life. Through writing she dances in the dark and breathes in the light. More of her words can be found at her blog here and on her Facebook page here.    

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