(In the United States, the month of October has been designated as "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month" since 1988. Below, one of our poets shares her own experience)
It’s a loss no one talks about…
One where
grieving is considered an indulgence. Well-meaning souls will try to console
you by reminding you how blessed you are to have other children, or if you
don’t, they’ll assuredly mention that it was all part of some divine plan, or
for the best…nature’s way of protecting you from a less than perfect child…of
course none of these things are of any comfort when a mother miscarries.
I lost my
child some 33 years ago in October. It wasn’t until this most recent nudge that
I remembered that it was in October. We try to get on with life…to count our
blessings, but we never forget. The void of tonight’s new moon simply reminds
me that I’m not meant to forget. And that it’s okay to remember and to grieve.
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| Photography by the author, Kat Myrman |
The Memory of You
by Kat Myrman
i only saw you for a moment…
pink perfection, but you had
already gone. how can you
miss someone you’ve never
met? sometimes i wonder
who you might have become,
who i might be today had
my body not failed you.
there was no funeral,
no heartfelt epitaphs…
no records or witnesses
that you ever were, except
for me, who once carried
you deep inside, the child
i never held but can’t
forget, especially when
the memory of you
interrupts my busyness
and touches my heart.
Kat Myrman: When she’s not working in a cubicle from 9 to 5, Kat can be found taking photographs and photo editing, writing poetry and prose, or sketching and painting. With roots in traditional Christianity, these days Kat finds herself transitioning more into a feminine, earth-based Spirituality with a focus on living in the moment. Her greatest joy is found in encouraging and empowering others. Kat lives in a century-old home in a historic neighborhood in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia with her wife, Traci and their menagerie of critters: two very big dogs, three rescued kitties, a tortoise and a Sun Conure. Her four grown daughters have enriched Kat’s life with five (and counting) amazing grandchildren and several grand-pups. You can connect with Kat at her blog “like mercury colliding”, on Facebook, or on her pet kid’s Facebook Page, Henry’s Friends (where Kat is the translator).
~If you are interested in seeing your poetry appear in this blog, or submitting a poem by a woman that has inspired you, please click here for submission guidelines. I greatly look forward to hearing from you!~
Thank you so much for sharing your grief with us, dear Kat, and thus inspiring other mothers to release theirs as well. You are right: this is a kind of loss that rarely gets talked about, so many of us go through it alone. I know I do. Had my daughter, Kalindi, lived, she would have turned fifteen this year. I still think about her almost every day. Your poem reminds me that this grief is natural, and that feeling it, and sharing it, is a very good way to process it, and honor my child's loss. Thank you!
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