SOMETIMES by Janavi Held

I created this slide show to recapture an Underwater experience...

Being buffeted by the strong currents off the west coast of the Garden Island of Kauai, encased in a snorkel mask, flippers, and with a disposable underwater camera in hand, I took these photographs, barely able to see what I was looking at, peering through the mask, through the lens, at a constantly rolling, tumbling seascape. 

I dug out this poem, Sometimes, to add to the soundtrack, from a poetry journal I kept on my frequent trips to the island to visit my mother. It contemplates identity, and the recognition that my most authentic self surfaces in communion with nature, in communion with the endless creations of the Divine. 

Image by the author, Janavi Held

Sometimes

by Janavi Held

Sometimes I am all of them!

Aphrodite

and the woman

who craved the sea

and sprouted gills at night,

whose hair turned to seaweed,

the woman with red-earth running in her veins

and gold sunlight knitting her hair together.

And

sometimes

I am such an ordinary women

taking up little room

walking unnoticed

inside a shell

of space

and skin.

I don’t last long without seaweed in my hair

those days roll by

collapsing me

on top of

me.

I am the woman running free at night

unable to breath without the full force of the wind

liberating the fallen arches of my heart.

I was the girl who dreamed of magic.

Now

a woman

with empty hands

I spin this magical tapestry

from the golden threads

birthing inside my chest

keeping

my life

together.

(Click play to hear the author recite her poem) 

Janavi Held is the author of Letters to my Oldest Friend: A Book of Poetry and Photography. She has also contributed poems to two poetry anthologies, Bhakti Blossoms: A Collection of Contemporary Vaishnavi Poetry and GODDESS: When She Rules: Expressions by Contemporary Women. Two of her poems were shortlisted for the prestigious Hamilton House International Poetry Prize awarded by the University Centre Grimsby, and published in their anthology "Eternal". Janavi started writing poetry and wandering around with her father’s camera as a child. At the age of nineteen, she began practicing Bhakti yoga. She held a bachelor’s degree from Goddard College where she studied poetry, photography, and media studies. She passed away peacefully in December of 2018 after having battled a brutal illness. You may read more of her poems and view her artwork on her website here and Facebook page here. 

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