I was born into a God-loving Catholic family. We were brought up to believe in God, to be kind; we were taken to church every Sunday and other holy feast days. We followed the traditions of our religion like not eating meat on a Friday and saying our prayers at night before bed.
In my twenties, when other responsibilities and leisure activities took up my time, I decided I didn’t need God. I was happy as I was! Then―like everyone else—challenges beset me and I became angry with Him. I can look back now and shake my head and smirk a little at the childish ignorance and arrogance of the person I was in my youth. What was it Jesus said about those people who orchestrated his death, “Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.” For we are like children spiritually when we’ve turned away from Him. We end up not knowing how to live our lives and getting it all wrong in the process!
I certainly wasn’t expecting to come back to God. I believed I was living a ‘good’ life until ill-health struck in my mid-40s. I began meditation classes simply to help me relax. I didn’t for a minute think it would reignite the Divine spark within me (which I now know never goes out). Yet before I knew it, I was also writing poetry, firstly about the joys of the natural world, and then it became deeper, more turned towards God. It became the outward reflection of a growing inner longing in my heart for God. This took me completely by surprise. Was it Him that I’d been looking for all these years after seeking happiness in material wealth and status and finding it wanting? My longing was transmitting more and more strongly, like a relentless beacon in the fog strengthening my link with the Divine.
It feels different this time though: not a return to organized religion or ‘churchianity’ and following its traditions by rote, but a new, individual relationship where I take inspiration from the best parts of Christianity, Buddhism and Hinduism. My prayers have been answered in an increasing peace, contentment and joy. I realize that God was always listening, but I had tuned Him out! The call home is the sweetest song ever, wordless yet saying so much! My heart is bursting with joy and anticipation. I’m like a little child, desperate for the Father’s love. My old life just doesn’t hold any interest for me now. I am happy as I am. Here is the poem, The Siren’s Call:
THE SIREN'S CALL
I hear the call home
That quiet, persistent beacon
Through the fog
At times loud and strong
At others quiet and soft.
Like a Siren, it sings
In tune with my heartbeat
Enticing me home.
But I can’t come yet.
For I’ve found Your bliss on Earth!
May I continue Your work?
For there are others to help.
May I seek out new places?
For there are wounds to heal.
And when Your work is done
I will race to You with open arms
And cry, “I’m home. I’m home!”
Anita Neilson is an author, spiritual poet and blogger. A former high-school teacher, she writes for many mind, body, spirit and chronic illness publications from her base in her native Scotland. Connect with Anita via her blog Healing Words, Instagram or Facebook Page, Her book, Acts of Kindness from your Armchair is available from your preferred online retailer.
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