SINGING IN THE RAIN by Tadiya Dasi

My name is Tadiya Dasi, and I've been on the path of bhakti yoga since I was seventeen....

 I am 28 years old now. This poem came to me one morning, as I was rushing to work and it was raining, and I felt a million miles from my Guru and from God, too. Nothing in that grey morning felt inspiring or spiritual but as I was walking on the street suddenly this sweet feeling of wanting to sing God's Name came to me. 

Later, wanting to capture that feeling, I wrote this poem. It's also about my spiritual path in general, my journey from despair to hope and faith. It's also about my teacher, about nature as guru, and ultimately about God's love.

Thank you for providing us this beautiful forum in which to share our poems, Krishna Kanta dasi!

Singing in the Rain

by Tadiya Dasi

My feelings are dripping like London's rain

always and everyday

I have no umbrella, no shield

no shelter from the seasons of my mind

yet

your Name appears on my mind

between thoughts it comes and beckons: Sing!

My lips move

my hands are restless ; I feel like

finding a harmonium

and sitting down, here, 

in the middle of this city street

and sing your Name

although it rains and I am late for work

I forget also that I don't know how to sing

or even play

but you have called and I must sit down

Sit down

and let myself be taken

or rather

let the Sound guide me to your feet

to that sweet place

where I feel your will

becoming mine

and my mind bows down

empties itself out of respect

and Real life comes rushing in

I draw a sharp breath in,

suddenly breathless and a little lost

in this arena of love

the Name turns this city street boundless

I lose  the sense of my own weight

weighing me down

light on my feet,

a little dizzy with disbelief: 

could it truly be

eternity appearing in this moment, 

peeking through like a sun ray

in my clouded mind?

your mercy raining down on me

suddenly all possibilities circle me,

I see so many ways to see you

to love you

that my heart feels heavy

there's a rain torrent rushing to

my parched mouth

someone lifts up a cup – says:

 Drink up my dear.

I feel like I'm dripping in Amrit.

And I beg my heart to choose this

again and again

Remember this, I whisper to myself

and never forget

and go back to the unreal

I've lived so small

such restriction I have accepted as my state of being

such narrow paths I have pursued

My guide appears

I am in his gaze:

his eyes falling on me

like grace

I want to tell him: from you

I catch phrases like angels

that come

and rescue me

when I forget

I forget often

but you remember me

and  then I'm with you

Rooftops, I think, 

I need to yell this from  the rooftops

this love

this love, so magnificent

that

my plans recede to the background

I start asking, instead:

Where do you want me to go?

I start to see him, my teacher,  everywhere

I catch him in a stranger's eye that sparkles

I feel his tender presence as

I look and see the trees bowing

as the wind rushes past me

Hope starts chasing me everywhere,

like the green grass 

peeking through the concrete:

I start to trust the possibility of faith

the world of faith

taking over; 

where the trees talk and the grass bows

the Name comes and beckons me to sing

so I can hold this space

where nature has kindly reminded me

of you; missing you

is now

what fills me.

My affection for you is like this:

it's fresh grass and pastures

a cow's soft eyes

tender udders dripping with milk

I've seen affection like this before;

somewhere in pictures

i've seen you feel it too

and it's been like this,

love passed on

from one to another

such is the grace of the saints

past and present

but not gone

always soundly here

If love had come

earlier

I would have  denied it

so determined in my destruction

but love came, now

when I'm older but younger

holding less

receiving more

Faith giving herself to me

 like a gift from God.

Life is bigger  now on this faith road;

even I am bigger

my Joy sizing up with my Sad

and I am well;

a well

of feelings

for God.

Tadiya dasi is a bhakti yogini who has always loved to write and read. Mostly she has read about religions, both as a student of Religious studies in university as well as a student of the Divine studying the Bhakti-scriptures such as the Bhagavad Gita and the Bhagavata Purana. She writes mostly for her own pleasure, for self-reflection and creativity. Recently, she has begun to give lectures on bhakti yoga. Her favorite place to practice bhakti yoga is in one of her teacher's ashrams, surrounded by beautiful nature and lots of cows. She, though, lives mostly in Helsinki, the capital city of Finland. Her inspiration to write and to share bhakti comes from her teacher Swami Tripurari. You can email Tadiya at tadiyadasi@yahoo.com

~If you are interested in seeing your poetry appear in this blog, or submitting a poem by a woman that has inspired you, please click here for submission guidelines. I greatly look forward to hearing from you!~