THE ROCKS by Janavi Held

 

Suddenly struck by a painful illness I sought the earth, flowers, and sun, for comfort…

I prayed, lying on the warm earth, in God’s natural cathedral, gazing at the clear blue sky, the ceiling built by His hands. Flowers, creepers, drying in the December sun, my only companions.

In this poem I express the profound sense of feeling separate from everything and everyone; when there is so much pain in the body, and it becomes immobile, it’s akin to being buried alive in a glass tomb; I see the world around me, interact with others, and yet there is always the sting of loneliness. 

As I lay on the earth I dreamt of days past, walking in the fresh spring air watching all manner of life bloom after the cold winter had given way. I mused over so many sweet summers, wondering, praying: will I be a part of it all again? 

I knew then, at least intellectually, that I must find myself, the one that lives when the body dies, I knew I had to locate the One Who Always Listens, my Oldest Friend, who has traveled with me from birth to birth, guiding me home.

Photograph by the author, Janavi Held

The Rocks

by Janavi Held

The rocks are stacked in their proper place

but of course it is nearly December

and all that remains of the roses

are small buds

dried before blooming

I would take them all

and stack them on the altar

If I could find the footprints

to carry me there

I would remember so many springs

so many summers

when the velvet touch of those roses

meant everything to me

but this is a different season

and remembering is a lost art

in the mind of these misshapen times

forgetfulness encompasses the passing moments

although, certainly, somewhere

all those flowers are remembering me.

(This poem is from the author's soon-to-be released book 

Letters to my Oldest Friend) 

Photograph by the author, Janavi Held

Janavi Held started writing poetry and wandering around with her father’s camera as a child.  At the age of nineteen, she began practicing Bhakti yoga. She holds a bachelor’s degree from Goddard College where she studied poetry, photography, and media studies. She is on the verge of releasing her first book Letters to my Oldest Friend: A Book of Poetry and Photography.