FOR A SONG by Tadiya Dasi

In this poem, I tried to express the things that sometimes happen in my heart…

…when I sit in kirtan, or when I hear the Song of the Lord, the Bhagavad Gita, or other sacred texts being read and discussed, especially when I have the privilege to sit and hear my Guru  - or sometimes even when I hear a very skilled secular singer singing "ordinary" songs with all of their heart and soul. 

This poem is also me trying to articulate my desire to surrender to the song of God being played all the time in this universe, and also admitting that there are parts of me that resist this surrender at the same time.

FOR A SONG

For a moment, for a song

and a sampling of eternity

I had a nest there, in the folds of timeless time

in the heartbeat of the Alive

a place so soft that it felt like a warm welcome after a million goodbyes

a return

a coming to

something profoundly good.

Something so true that it could

offer me an experience of the Real.

The warm lap of a universe

playing its eternal love song

had me there for a song. Sitting safe and warm

and all ears

as

the sound of you embraced me.

For a moment, I was

a wilting flower returning to her roots, taking the risk to bloom

The cold ground beneath me giving in; the hard shell cracking

this winter's finally turning to

something and somewhere else

the coming of you always like a spring!

Though, the warmth of you can be so hard to face

as nothing remains under ground in your season of change

it's such a long way from a bud to a blossom

The notes playing are like ploughs

raking me empty

preparing the soil

there are frozen places in me

parts that still want to

wither in this winter of my own making

I resent my resistance but rest in it, too

been turning for winter for far too long

season after season

it's hard to believe that life can

be born as busily as it dies

that the Alive is as real and more so

than all the dying of this world

something in me knows that you love a garden full of

bloom, so I try to grow for you

I pray for  the gentle wind that moves  one forward

and for the courage to grow that only comes

from the kind of love that leaves no part of you hanging outside

The kind of love that has your back,

and a welcome back

even when you are walking away

the openness of your love is an invitation;

your pastures so vast and beautiful

Just the thought

that one could be and become so free to love

makes me want to journey on

the joy of you

has made me a believer.

Your gospel is a song

and you play it so well

it's been playing on mind ever since, and I hope one day

it plays me

plays me until I am

hard wood bending, an instrument in your hands.

This song is you.

You

with your prying fingers pulling out the longing in me

pulling the broken heart strings

until I am tuned to you realm

of harmony

You have seen my lack of music

the rhythm I have lost

my  desperate need for notes

after all

an orchestra needs a conductor to

play in harmony, with harmony

in uni-verse.

So you have placed me in the hands of a good conductor;

all he ever does is to play your song

even his hands are playing it when he speaks.

All his words a song, all his talk singing.

I came to you all sharp edges and teeth, like a shark

killing to live, dying for some love

just a hard fin(n) peeking through,

submerged in the waters of coming and going

arms up in arms

You just held your arms up to dance

and this is even more telling of you:

you have even the sharks near

allowing them to swim ever so close

circling around your smiling face,

trying to kiss your ears

just one note from the flute

echoes forever

the Sound of you

is kissing my ears

smiling, I think to myself:

Wow,

there's a place where the hills are truly alive

with the sound of music

and I want to go there!

I feel your song

with the focus of a soul

saving herself;

I listen with all of me

and I have this to say about

grace:

it fills you up so suddenly

like a good dessert after a meal

and in the end, there is only the sweetness of being full.

Being consumed by you

leaves

my heart an empty pot

finding joy in being emptied

and the sound of you

leaving me

reminds me

I am here only to be played. If only for a song.

Tadiya dasi is a bhakti yogini who has always loved to write and read. Mostly she has read about religions, both as a student of Religious studies in university as well as a student of the Divine studying the Bhakti-scriptures such as the Bhagavad Gita and the Bhagavata Purana. She writes mostly for her own pleasure, for self-reflection and creativity. Recently, she has begun to give lectures on bhakti yoga. Her favorite place to practice bhakti yoga is in one of her teacher's ashrams, surrounded by beautiful nature and lots of cows. She, though, lives mostly in Helsinki, the capital city of Finland. Her inspiration to write and to share bhakti comes from her teacher Swami Tripurari. You can email Tadiya at tadiyadasi@yahoo.com

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