Skip to main content

CHILD/SELF by Margaret Vidale


One reason I started writing about my own experiences of being abused was to give a voice to those who are still afraid to speak out…

I was one of them for most of my life.  It was not until I reached my sixties that my outrage overcame my fears. It took me a long time to reach the point where I could tell my truth, and poetry is the only vehicle I have been able to use to reach the larger world.

Child/Self is my one and only prose poem.  It is a perspective on the lifelong damage of child abuse, an attempt to show how survivors can become emotionally stuck in one part of their development and continue to grow in others.  I am in my seventies now, and am still impacted by my childhood abuse every day.

I know the subject of child abuse is a tough one, but it is so prevalent and damaging in our society. I very much hope my words will help other survivors to speak out in their own ways. 

Child/Self 
by Margaret Vidale


Two daughters followed tradition’s path,
leading to grownup lives in the outside
world.  My third child, however, refuses to
leave home.  Her fear and neediness  
exhaust me.  She stopped growing around
age three, when she let herself realize
no one was going to protect her. That’s when
she melded to me, insisting I carry her
for the rest  of our lives.  It’s a daily struggle
to pull myself away, inch by resistant
inch.  Sometimes I just give up and read her
poetry; she likes Anne Sexton and Chase
Twichell.  When we’re having bad dreams,
Brahms’ Lullaby soothes us back to sleep. 
Over the years I’ve managed to increase
the distance between us.  Recently I’ve let
her float on her own for hours.  I’m trying
to convince her that by freeing me, she also
frees herself.  She doesn’t buy it, though. 
She scrunches up her small, pale face and
wails, a shrill and forlorn plea.  So I pick
her up and kiss the soft part on top of her
head.  What else can I do?  I’m all she’s got.
~
(EDITOR'S NOTE: If you, or someone you know, is recovering from sexual abuse and trauma, I highly recommend my friend Kylie Dasi's new book 'Recovering The Spirit From Sexual Trauma: From the Traumatic to the Ecstatic' available here.


Margaret Vidale returned to her childhood love of writing poetry when she retired from teaching in 2001.  Growing up, reading and writing poetry were ways of escaping severe child abuse.  Many of her early adults poems were efforts to break the silence she carried for most of her life.  Writing  those poems was healing and liberating, which enabled Margaret to branch out into a wider range of subjects.  She feels fortunate and grateful that some of her work has appeared In Pearl, Solstice, Sol-Lit, The Whirlwind Review, Avocet, The  Caribbean Writer, Still Crazy and other small press publications.

~If you are interested in seeing your poetry appear in this blog, or submitting a poem by a woman that has inspired you, please click here for submission guidelines. I greatly look forward to hearing from you!~ 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

IMAGINE A WOMAN by Patricia Lynn Reilly

  This poem invites you to look upon yourself with loving kindness… Gazing at your own true reflection, you will discover that everything you have longed for “out there” is already within you! I invite you to love your creativity fiercely. Faithfully plant seeds, allowing under-the-ground dormant seasons, nurturing your creative garden with love and gratitude. In the fullness of time, the green growing things thrust forth from the ground. It's a faithful, trustworthy process. AND it takes time and patience.  Blessed is the fruit of your creative womb! I invite you to trust your vision of the world and express it. With wonder and delight, paint a picture, create a dance, write a book, and make up a song. To give expression to your creative impulses is as natural as your breathing. Create in your own language, imagery, and movement. Follow no script. Do not be limited by the customary way things have been expressed. Your creative intuition is original. Gather

STILL I RISE by Maya Angelou

Six years ago, I had the privilege of listening to Maya Angelou speak live on the value of poetry at the University of Florida. I share these reflections with you again today, in honor of her birthday.  I was relieved to get one of the last seats available for this rare event, having arrived at five for Maya Angelou ’s free speech at eight. The historically long line began with people settled into beach chairs in winter coats busying themselves on tablets, or eating sandwiches for dinner. As helicopters hovered above and newscasters below, I felt the excitement of realizing that thousands of people were gathering together to hear an eighty four year old black woman recite her poetry! Maya Angelou speaking at University of Florida on Feb. 27, 2013  When the curtain rose -after an overflow of hundreds were sent away- we lucky ones on the inside greeted Maya with a standing ovation, as she smiled sweetly, beginning her talk using metaphors from nature. Maya asked that we

THE JOURNEY by Mary Oliver

Today we honor Mary Oliver (1936-2019) and all the words she left behind. May they inspire you on your journey!  Excerpt from Mary Oliver’s book Long Life: Essays and Other Writings : "Poets must read and study... but, also, they must learn to tilt and whisper, shout, or dance, each in his or her own way, or we might just as well copy the old books. But, no, that would never do, for always the new self swimming around in the old world feels itself uniquely verbal.  And that is just the point: how the world, moist and bountiful, calls to each of us to make a new and serious response. That's the big question, the one the world throws at you every morning. 'Here you are, alive. Would you like to make a comment?'" The Journey By Mary Oliver  One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice-- though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug