THE MEASURE OF A LIFE by Tadiya Dasi

"When we start defining ourselves by that which can be measured or weighed, something deep within us rebels."  ~Geneen Roth~

This quote inspired my poem. As something deep within us rebels because it knows that ultimately, it's an illusion to define ourselves, or others, and the world by the means of measuring. Like my teacher loves to say: "The most important things in life are not things." 

When our approach to life is measuring, we limit ourselves, and our experience of the world, into the world of (dead) matter.

 It's consciousness that animates life, and that consciousness is infinite and immeasurable, and so are we as parts of it. 

We all know this deep down but we still love to use (measurable) things to define us: for some it may the number on the scale, for someone else the number on their bank account. The list of how we use numbers to define us is endless: it can be the number of achievements, degrees, cars, houses obtained etc. We can even get lost in numbers on our spiritual journeys when we use the number of  "rounds" on a japa mala completed as something that defines us, or the number of sun salutations performed on our yoga mats, the number of books read, pilgrimages made, etc., as something to measure our worth with.

My teacher once defined the word 'maya', commonly translated as 'illusion', to also mean 'to measure'. As humans, we tend to love measuring because it's an approach to life that allows us to think we are in control.

But the finite cannot measure the Infinite. Surrendering to the Infinite involves letting go of all the ways we define ourselves and the world, and let the Immeasurable define us instead. 

The Measure of a Life

All my life,

I've been a slave for worry

I have counted my way into existence, calculated and controlled Life

into shapes and sizes fitting to me

alluring to my illusions

sewn and seized into my corsets

the fist of fear only knows how to grow tighter

It's a rag doll's existence

I'm

threading through

a hole and a needle

that keep getting smaller

all my measures

ending up in negative numbers

everything I've tried on

has patches on it, my seams are coming undone

all those numbers sliding through my mind, all those years,

counting, counting, counting

though I've chased the digits and watched them go

the numbers never add up to anything more than me

no costume should cost this much.

I'm  losing count and myself,

gaining  just

empty space around me and my shoulders

shoulder blades  like swords

when all I needed was just words

all those numbers, all those years,

slipping through my cupped

hands,

fingers busy counting on the

thread that's frayed; its a tight grip life

I've been living

hanging on, my knuckles are white and worn-out

been carrying

the whole world on my shoulders; the blades and the blame

cut into me

oh sweet nothingness

how have I lost myself in you!

This cold shoulder's no comfort

got nothing to lean on

- just sorrow and sinew.

I'm scraping through the empty corners

of my counting mind

looking for room to grow

I've counted, measured, fitted, sized and sampled

every inch of me: I don't think I have anymore skin to stretch

in this search, I've forgotten to wonder:

how to live inside each beat of the heart,

how to be fully alive with the Alive? How to breathe without fear?

My friend

I've looked to you, for clues,

you have the Boundless bound in love, and

your loving heart is a space that keeps expanding

You don't count

You don't measure me nor the days

You don't plan

Yet, you are full

and fully yourself.

For so long, I have wanted to place myself

before the Infinite

let the Limitless

melt away all that can be measured

in me

'cause with you

I'm remembering,

closed hands receive nothing new

there are wings underneath my shoulders

so,

teach me how to befriend the

Joy

that dances next to you

how to welcome the Immeasurable

all your life, you've been a slave to love

-      Teach me how!

I need

something more than numbers.

Tadiya Dasi: "My poems are the outpourings of my heart. My inspiration comes from seeking the heart of yoga through bhakti. In poems, and in life, I seek to embrace the questions and live the answers of my heartfelt truth to the highest degree of surrender possible. I search for that truth through heart-centered, meditative, yoga practice." You may connect with Tadiya on facebook here, or via e-mail Tadiyadasi@yahoo.com.

~If you are interested in seeing your poetry appear in this blog, or submitting a poem by a woman that has inspired you, please click here for submission guidelines. I greatly look forward to hearing from you!~