The
practice of writing eases and opens, giving me a way to let go and look inside…
…To
see how I am feeling what I’m feeling, and maybe help me to just let it be.
I
think this piece, called “What Used To Be” speaks for itself. Such is my day: thinking
of what used to be, noticing the old
tapes that don’t play but sit there like friends I used to enjoy, in an odd
way.
My
writing process is a meditation on being. The Muse guides my heart and my hands
move. The connection I long for meets me halfway, and what I missed knowing lands
like a blossom at my feet. And then I feel a little better and know there are
many who have been here with me, in their own way.
'Take My Hand' digital art by Skatergirl |
What
Used To Be
Used
to be I’d crawl into a hole.
Used
to be, I’d wish
To die
while I cried.
Used
to be I’d hear
Voices echo worthlessness
Through
a worm’s belly,
Words
would tease
Me
into not caring.
Because
what really matters
When
the insides are tied
Into
knots with wires
Scraping
my heart
And jabbing
my stomach?
My
eyes hurt from trying
To
find what is not here.
Used
to be, I’d roll over
With
sunrise and pull the covers
Up
to my ears so I could not
Hear
birds chirping, kids playing.
Used
to be I’d lie in bed till evening
And
wish night would leave as soon
As
it came. Used to be meaning
Came
with a story of what is not.
Now
I sit with hands wrapped
Around
prayer to help me unfold
What
I cannot control, ease the angst
Of
what I cannot know, soothe the fear
Of
realizing all that matters is right here:
This
breath, clouds in the sky,
Kitty
by my side, kitchen full of dishes,
Home
that wants love as much as I want
To
give it. What used to be haunts my window.
Because
when I look out I see in: the gnarled
Branches
of my heart are trying to grow roots
So
the life I want to live can flow.
Used
to be I’d lie down and pray never to get up.
Today
I sit and try to unlearn what time stole
And
make that history a gift so I’ll remember
Now
is not how it used to be; now I am free!
To
create a life where I can pray and dream.
Now
I shift meaning into this frame to hold
What
I cannot find, touch what I do not feel,
'Life Recorded' by artistic photographer Katarina Silva |
Edith Lazenby: “I love to write. I began writing poetry in elementary school. Sometimes I write poetry daily, other times not. I adore Mary Oliver, her way of embracing the light while acknowledging the darkness. I teach yoga full time and find the practice has grounded me deeper in my body and heart and helped me move closer to what I call spirit. I also now edit for Elephant Journal and write for them as well. I live with my husband, who is my best friend, and 4 kitties. Life holds challenges yet with time I feel better able to live in the moment, moment by moment. All great teachers teach presence. I find each day is a lesson in being. The process of writing holds me and I find the craft teaches me something new each time. You may visit my blog here.
~If you are interested in seeing your poetry appear in this blog, or submitting a poem by a woman that has inspired you, please click here for submission guidelines. I greatly look forward to hearing from you!~
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